Thirtysomething

By Martin Paterson

No not the boring American TV drama but to be more accurate 36 Bromley divers headed off to the Red Sea on 23rd June.

We all arrived at Gatwick in dribs and drabs but most ended up in duty free or McDonalds. Eventually we boarded our plane and it seemed like every other passenger was a Bromley diver. The flight was pretty uneventful, 5 hours later we landed in Hurghada, Egypt.

We immediately headed straight for baggage reclaim and impatiently waited for our bags, then suddenly you spot your bag and you can relax knowing the baggage handlers got it right after all, except for poor old Bob Digby whose bag never arrived, and considering it was a diving holiday and all his diving gear was missing he took it pretty well.

No sooner had we gone through passport control than the locals hands were out, 1 Egyptian Pound ( or anything they can get their hands on ) being the going rate; i.e. wheeling a trolley 2 feet, a sheet of toilet paper, even lifting your bag onto the bus.

At this point the group divided into 2, as half were going north and the rest of us were going south to the Brothers Islands. Fortunately for us divers heading south, Mehmet the club's very own Tasmanian Devil was going north so we were spared his seemingly inexhaustible energy and his relentless pursuit to be the club's wildman.

Outside the airport we squeezed into a bus that had been in it's prime 20 years ago but the journey only took about 15 minutes and it was better than walking. Finally after a days travelling we'd reached our boat " MV Miss Veena ".

We were going to be only the second group to have gone out on " Miss Veena " so our expectations were pretty high. Once on board it was quite clear we weren't going to be disappointed, the phrase " floating gin palace " pretty well sums it up, in fact we had so much space available to us that it didn't all get used.

After we'd settled in we went ashore to the nearest bar and almost immediately. Mike Rountree and Ray Russell ( the Chemical Brothers ) ordered a hubbly bubbly pipe, then huffed and puffed and blew their minds away. No not really ,they smoked some sweet flavoured local concoction.

After a while we drifted back to the boat and our air conditioned cabins for a well earned sleep. In the morning we met our dive guides, Gamel ; an Egyptian / Italian and Sandra ; a German who had gone native and was now as brown as a very brown thing.

After the introduction the boat headed south towards "The Brothers" islands. After a while Gamel called us together for a dive briefing and we were to hear what would quickly become his catchphrase " Beeg-anee-mall garr-antee one hunder-rud percent" a catchphrase I hasten to add that didn't always reflect the truth.

The week's diving continued in a pattern of get up - go diving - breakfast - lounge around - go diving - lunch - lounge around - go diving - dinner then to round off the day more lounging around. This hectic flat out schedule was punctuated by occasionally dumping one or more of the crew overboard or consuming one of Debi Rowlands culinary creations like " vodka melon." First take a watermelon and bore a small hole in it, then pour as much vodka in as you can, allow to ferment for 24 hours then consume with caution well away from naked flames.

One of the more memorable dives was on an unknown wreck of British origin, that had run into Big Brother Island and now lies in a depth of 8-80 metres. On this dive my buddy was Dennis Hawkes, who on previous dives had trouble clearing his ears, so it was suggested that due to the excellent vis I could descend to the wreck keeping him in sight and he would join the rest of us when his ears cleared. This set-up seemed OK until I lost sight of him. Finally Gamel spotted him and I was re-united with my buddy, who by now was running low on air so we immediately returned to the surface. After discussing what happened it turned out Dennis hadn't had trouble with his ears but had been struggling against the current to reach the wreck, when he did eventually reach the wreck he was at 51 metres. To his credit he didn't panic and just ascended back up the wreck. My mistake was to get seduced by the warm clear water and abandon the safe diving practices I'd abide by in Britain's cold and murky water. However I believe that every experience can be learnt from and I won't be straying far from my buddy in future regardless of water conditions.

Anyway on a lighter note there I was looking at the sky one night thinking " it's so clear up there " and suddenly Gerry Dowd is standing next to me saying how much time he spent at the planetarium as a boy, and he started to point out "The Big Dipper", "The Milky Way" and "The North Star" and suddenly I feel like I'm in the presence of the monocled monolith of the "Sky at Night", "Patrick Moore". So if you ever having trouble finding "Uranus", Gerry D is the man to see.

The week's diving had come to an end and our thoughts turned to land based activities like bars, night-clubs and shopping, although none of us could compete with Debi because if shopping was an Olympic event she'd be team captain.

Our final night in Egypt and the northern and southern groups re-united and headed for a bar called "Papa's" where most of us consumed large amounts of alcohol. Then it was time for us to get down and shake our funky stuff on the dance floor.

One of the dancing stars that must get a mention is "Neville (funky monkey) Sykes" who astounded us with his wicked dance moves in a "Bill and Ben" meets "The Wooden Tops" styley. Richard Pucknell was also giving it some big time dance moves with what appeared to be a few karate chops thrown in.

Suddenly the lights were turned off at 1.30am and it seemed it was time to leave. Most of the group decided it was time for bed, but some of us decided the night was still young even if we weren't. So us party animals moved onto a night-club called "Callaboush". Once inside we all quickly noticed there weren't many girls around and all the boys were dancing with each other.

This didn't deter Richard so he started chatting up the girls. He soon returned warning us to watch our backs as the place was full of vampires, then suddenly everything became clear, earlier in the evening he hadn't been dancing but had actually been doing a combat training session for his alter ego of "Richard the Vampire Slayer" (he's not as good looking as Buffy though). So after his warning about the dark forces surrounding us we decided it was time to return to our boat.

So our last day had arrived and we were off to do some shopping. We hailed a taxi/bus and asked for downtown Hurghada and it set off going left and right and round and round in fact the taxi seemed to go in every direction except the one we wanted ( no similarity to a London cab ride then ). Then we pulled up outside the shop of the driver's brother ( what a cheek! ). It was then time for Mike and Ray "the Chemical Brothers " to do some serious haggling over the price of a hubbly bubbly pipe for Mike to take home, after an extensive test of the pipe it was time for us to leave as the shopkeeper wanted to sell us all something. Anybody who has wished the sales assistant would leave them alone when they've been shopping in England really aren't ready for Egyptian shop keepers as they come out into the street and attempt to herd you into their shops.

Eventually we returned to "Miss Veena" to await our transfer to the airport. We quickly moved through baggage check-in and passport control then boarded our plane. The fact we were heading back to England was emphasised by the in-flight meal of sausage and mash, quite a pleasant change to be able to recognise what you're eating.

On our return to Gatwick there was a happy reunion for Bob Digby, there was his diving gear waiting for him just as the baggage handlers had left it ( so no expensive dive gear upgrade on the insurance this time Bob, never mind ).

In closing I'd sincerely like to thank Mike for yet again organising a superb diving holiday to the Red Sea, same time next year?

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Red Sea 2000, Gallery, Diving the Salam Express,
Thirtysomething, "Birds" Eye View of Big Brother

Red Sea 2004 - North, Maldives,

The Scilly Isles - 2003, Red Sea 2003 - North, Red Sea 2003 - South
Scapa Flow 2002, Red Sea 2002, Weymouth 2002,
Australia, Red Sea 2001, Red Sea 2000,     
Brixham, Weymouth, Key Largo,
Red Sea 1999, Diving Down Under.